LEO:
Have you considered, even for like a second, that maybe, MAYBE: Everything might not be about you?
VIRGO:
As you were, Virgo. Judging everyone and lurking in Whatsapp groups without saying anything.
CANCER:
Crying in the shower again? We empathise. But remember to stay water-wise. Your tears could water a garden. It’s summer. Plants are thirsty. Think before you cry. Love and light!
SAGITTARIUS:
As the zodiac’s only centaur, people are likely to give you sh1t because you’re fast AND tall. Kick them. Being half horse is an out-and-out mood. Gallop. Whinny. It’s 2021! Live!
GEMINI:
Everything they say about you having two faces is true, fine, but which one do you talk out of more?
CAPRICORN:
Having done some research, apparently you’re something called a ‘chimaera’ which is like a mash-up of a ram, a dragon and a mermaid. If this sounds terrifying, it’s because it is. But it’s also kind of fierce and fabulous, no? Besides which, #AllMonstersMatter
ARIES:
We know you want that Viking horn thing from Urban Outfitters. We’re here to gently tell you it is not a good idea, friend.
AQUARIUS:
Ok, you’ve always been a #mood. I mean, amphora being balanced on head as you sway your hips? That’s fashion.
SCORPIO:
2021 is not your year. However, since time is a human construct and you’re a predatory arachnid - do you, boo.
PISCES:
You’re like a kid trying to catch the pigeon in the park. Except the pigeon is on meth. Good luck, O Pisces.
LIBRA:
People tend to throw shade on you because you’re trying to balance stuff WHILE BLINDFOLDED. To not let these people ruin your vibe. If they insist on doing so, smack them with one of those scale things you’re holding.
TAURUS:
have you ever heard the phrase ‘choose your battles?’
This phrase was coined with a Taurus in mind. Remember it. Tattoo it onto your forehead.
Use henna. It’s removable.
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